Sex and Marriage

The scriptures value sexuality to the level of wonder and mystery. The physical intimate union of a man and a woman is said to create a bond that makes them 'one flesh'. In no part of scripture does God intent that sex is a casual affair of the senses or emotions. Nor does the Bible advise that it should be experimented with (awakened) until ‘love' decides. God made sex a powerful, intense and pleasurable gift and only to be given after a public declaration of a forthcoming life-long commitment. Societies around the world and especially the Bible calls this commitment marriage.


"Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a virgin”. (Proverbs 30:18-20)

Many people assume that Judeo-Christian love is a dull affair of abstinence or simply just procreation. This really is laughable as the Bible commits a whole book, the Song of Songs, to love and affection, courtship and imaginative physical union between a man and a woman. Proverbs in the Old Testament and Paul’s teachings in the New Testament recommend that couples have meaningful and regular sex to strengthen their relationship throughout their whole marriage. The only exception is to abstain for a short time for prayer before returning to regular lovemaking. Age or health is not an excuse to neglect to love one another physically and emotionally. There are always ways to share and strengthen love, if one or both partners are unable to engage in 'common ways' of lovemaking, if you are ‘alive' you can ‘feel', if you can feel you can share love with your spouse!

Sex before Marriage

In the Bible the sacred act of sex is praised and encouraged between a believing husband and believing wife. However, sex before marriage is forbidden on many accounts, one of which is the concept called 'leave and cleave’ (Genesis 2:24). This is a biblical studies term which describes leaving the parents and perminantly joining with a partner in the form of marriage, a life long commitment as the Bible says 'becoming one flesh'. In Hebrew terms the man literally collects the woman he loves and has agreed to marry from her house and they become a new beautiful unit and expression of God. Obviously we see clearly in scripture that a whole period of of inter parental relationship occurs too and a period of engagement with chaperoning happens. In essence two people from separate households become one flesh.

The Song of Solomon describes and repeats three times in succession (SS 2:7, 3:5, 8:4) a curious situation ‘it so desires’ as if our bodies have a mind of their own that can overpower our cognitive and even spiritual sides of our being. It centres around a Hebrew word called ‘ahabah’. In English it is simply translated as ‘love’, in reality it is very specific in its meaning. This form of love means 'human love' for ‘human object’. The Hebrew Lexicon clearly states that this is between a man and a woman and to do with sexual desire. In modern language this is the objectivisation, passion and erotic nature of love, not the comitment of endless selfless love for another. 

Relationship, sex and marriage with someone not of the faith.

In modern terms this concept may appear strange and confusing. However, the Bible is acutely specific and clear that a believer may not be connected to an unbeliever as a ‘couple  relationship' and certainly not in marraige or sex. 

2 Corinthians 6: 9-18 is one of many examples that show the situation. However, those not moving in Holy Spirit wisdom have to turn to the original Greek to fully understand what is happening here. To do this we centre on two critical words. The first word is ‘ginomai’ a verb which includes various stages of progression in its meaning, in essence it means, to become, begin to be, to happen and become made like… Its meaning and context as found in the Greek Lexicon: prefferd and be married. 

The second word for considreation is ‘heterozugeo’ a word which again in the Greek Lexicon means to have fellowship with one who is not equal and is described in the Lexicon as specifically meaning to have intercorse with non-believers. There is no mistaking the meaning and interpretation of this word as it only appear once in the Bible actually in the key passage 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Point of Interest:

Biblical (greek) words that are simply translated as love:

Agapao: Divine and unselfish love

Phileo: Fervant love for one another (also platonic love between two people)

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